The scene: The living room couch.
Time of day: Just after noon.
Characters: Jen Winklepleck and Sean White.
Today started with a punch in the face: the roomie forcing my consciousness alive, followed immediately by the gnarliest hangover I've had in a while. So I guess it was almost a double punch. I awake from slumberland.
I did what I normally do....grumble grumble grumble, followed by witty banter with the roomie, followed by a bathroom visit, followed by chugging many fluid ounces of insert your favorite sports hydrating beverage here-ADE. Good morning, world!
Blah blah blah...cut to where I get decide to get creative and tear the kitchen up trying to cook three meals at once (I felt inspired; cut me some slack!) while Portlandia plays in the background.
Cut to me cutting....vegetables, that is.
Cut to the part where I eat my foods (spinach and onion scramble...yum!).
Then cut to the part where I sit lazily and get on Facebook to virtually inquire about other people's lives.
Stupidly, I notice that I'm one less person on my friends list. I slight jab at my ego and I'm updating my status about it. I think to myself, "I wonder if people will think I actually lost someone in real life, or if they'll think I'm being stupid about my shrunken friends list?" I decide to hit "submit" anyway.
Cut to one hour later. Thanks to FB, I notice someone posts on the wall of a good friend of mine, ....stuff, stuff, stuff, "you will be missed," stuff, stuff, stuff... This is a friend that I haven't seen in a while. A friend who just two days ago, I tried to reach out and contact because it has been so long since we've connected. I've been so selfish and busy lately to keep up with some people. I wish I wasn't.....both selfish and busy.
Cut to a text message to another friend, inquiring about his knowings. No luck. Suddenly I'm beginning to think my "Today I lost a friend" status was shaping into a reality. Did I predict the future?
Cut to the phone call that sealed the deal. Gary Martin, old friend, mentor, fill-in father, drinking buddy, cigar smokin' pal, Yankee fan extraordinaire, life-living, wife-adoring, kindhearted human being had indeed passed away, within the hour of that phone call.
Now cut to the part where I'm typing up a new blog....good thing we've cut to this scene. The tears have come and finally gone (and will probably come again). I'm left with swollen eye lids, red cheeks, and a view out the window of the craziest weather transitioning ever (I just saw sunshine, followed by gloom, followed by rain, and back to sun....it's like Mom Nature was conducting the weather to sync with every single emotion I just experienced in the last couple hours). Now I just sit here....emotionless. Actually, not so much emotion-LESS but so emotion-FILLED I don't know where to start. I'm overwhelmed. When I become overwhelmed, I become an invalid. Everything drains. I may as well be pile of skin, lacking it's structural pieces to give it form....a pool of jello....a bowl of melted ice cream.
I don't do death well. I was not taught how to handle these emotions. I've only ever lost one other person that meant a lot to me. That was my grandfather 5 year ago. I still can't deal with it, and it's already been done and gone. Someone should (and actually, probably already does) teach a class about this stuff....
Cut to now. Like, right this second. Right this very instant, as my fingers make contact with these letters on this laptop and apply pressure so they appear on this screen to forever be embedded in the entanglement I call "The Interwebs," I sit here, void of all feeling. Not because I don't care, but because I don't know where to start.
Insert every "I'm so sorry," "He's in a better place now," "It'll get better in time," HERE. I know this. You read about it all the time. You say the same words to other people when they go through these experiences. "Tell the people close to you that you love them because you never know if you'll get the opportunity to ever again." The one thing I'd say right now if I could: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say hi sooner. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. I am glad, though, that you finally get to be alongside your bride, and I know she's been waiting for you." If anyone ever had any disbelief in true love....Gary and Judy were the epitome of what true love is...the world could take a lesson from those two.
So here's to you, Gare! With much love and respect from the Winkleplex, I bid you farewell. You've touched many lives. I hope to be so fortunate in my lifetime.
Someone come give me a hug? And bring ice cream?
Cut to the future....I write a happy blog again.
And that's a wrap!