In case you didn't catch on, by "fruit" I mean "guy," and by tree, well, I guess I mean "dating pool."
Some of these fruits are overripened. They're bruised, too mushy, and practically leaping from the tree because they're so ready to fall off. I tend to pick the overripe ones moreso than not. Guys I pick come with baggage (divorced, kids, insert any other relationship failure character flaw here), or they fall "in love" (emphasis on the quotes there) too fast (maybe not too fast, but definitely faster than me), or they want to jump into something hastily (once again, just faster than I do). Sometimes when the fruit is on the tree, you're just at a weird angle, or the sun is in your eyes, but you can't always tell the fruit is too ripe. It's only after you've already picked it that you can feel around and realize that you should have reached for the one just slightly left or right of the one you pulled (or on a completely different tree!). This also goes for the underripened fruits.
Now the underripened fruits, obviously, still need some developing. They're just still learning what it's like to be a fruit. Fresh from their flowering stage, these fruits need a little more time on the tree before I pluck them from their branches. This is highly detectable from the first bite. You can tell straight away when you've got yourself one that is still burgeoning. I wish I could put these one back on the tree, but alas, that is as possible as watching a unicorn fart sprinkles (if you ever see a unicorn fart sprinkles, I will wrap the "Kitty Roca" from the litterbox in my used snowboarding socks, deep fry them, and consume 'em in front of you in order to acquire the information needed to experience that myself...please call me). These can be really deceiving because you look at them, sittin' on that tree, all young and pretty, and you think to yourself, "Man...that is one good-looking fruit. That would look fabulous in my fruit basket!" and you are blinded to the fact that they barely have a sugar level high enough to ultimately please you. Like I said, I wish I could somehow graft them back onto their branches, but they get tossed into the rubbish bin with the others.
Then there's also the fruit that is at the right maturity level. You've picked it at the right time; there's no clashing as far as that goes, but then you realize you've picked fruit off the wrong tree. I mean, sometimes you pick an orange, but it turns out you really needed an apple. This happens, often, too. The great thing about picking out the wrong piece of fruit, is that it typically ends up being a mutual feeling in my world. Makes it easy to toss this one in the trash. Doesn't make me feel any better about making the wrong choice to begin with, but doesn't leave me with a bad taste in my mouth, either.
I love fruit. Fruit is AMAZING in a thouand ways. Sometimes, I just have a horrible time finding a perfectly matured one of the correct variety. What prompted this entire blog? Maybe I'm just hungry. Ha! Nah, it's the fact that I came across a fruit I had tossed years ago...and I am SOOOOOOO glad I threw that one away. This particular fruit was horrible. It was half completely underripened, and half squishily overripened and bruised; I even found a worm and aphids on this one! Really, really horrendous, I tell ya. I recently saw him on the 'space and am amazed at how horrible he looks and how sooooo much better off I have been since him. I'm actually surprised he's still alive. ::sigh:: Thank you, Jen, for ditchin' that one.
Recently, I've ended up back in the orchard. I pulled another fruit. This one appears to be amazing so far. I'm still wondering if there's a larva awaiting me in the fleshy part of the fruit. Why am I doubtful? Because I'm ridiculous. Because I'm a stupid insecure girl. Because if Eve couldn't get the apple thing right all those years ago, my chances probably aren't much better. Because my brain is a third the size of a man's: it's science. Actually, I have no idea what that had to do with anything...Because I've gotten too many stomach aches due to past consumptions of bad fruits. No one likes a stomach ache. Anyway...I'm gonna go eat. Kinda wishing I had nachos.