Anyway...today I will reminisce about a certain thing I did a couple months ago. I'm not proud of this at all, and I still haven't even confessed this to MOST of my friends, but it's done and done, and has made for a bit of excitement in life. I've been able to add a whole new couple of chapters to "Jen's Life Book" that I can look back on sometime in the future. This was written a little bit ago, but I thought I'd blog it so I have a permanent reference for future story-telling sessions. Onto: CONFESSIONS OF A LONELY GAL: Part One
Sometimes I wonder if life is one giant Punk'd episode. Especially lately. My life has been full of ups and downs (lately downs), and so surreal that I wonder if I am part of some crazy undercover reality TV series experiment. I'm awaiting the day that some camera crew guy accidentally sneezes behind a bush, blowing the cover off their entire clandestine conspiracy.
Anyway....here's my tale of epic proportions...
Soooo....I was in a really long relationship a while ago. We've been apart for almost three years now, and I was enjoying the single life. Met some good and bad guys, but none who ever really gave me shooting stars (that feeling you get in your stomach when it's just right...some people call them butterflies, I prefer to call them shooting stars). Some had potential, most would never stand a chance. All during this "single" life of mine, I had friends that would get desperate and do the online dating thing. I always thought that was a stupid way to meet anyone. 1.) I hate blind dates. 2.) I'm a stupid hopeless romantic, and I've always banked on meeting that special guy in a scenario that could be an opening sequence in the most epic romance story known to man.
I started losing hope in finding anyone and was getting tired of being single. My most recent relationships have all been long distance, too...which is just as bad as being single. I threw in the towel. I gave up. I was ready to focus on me and only me, leaving this "relationship" seeking on the back burner. And really, I had come to terms with just being by myself for a while, without even worrying about being 27 and not having a mate (even though everyone I know is "settling down" doing the marriage and kid thing, including my younger brother), I decided I'm chasing dreams and living life extremely. Then I was reconnected with an old friend who turned out to be more than I had hoped for. Then there was a miscommunication involving ex's and we had a falling out. I was incredibly bummed. I had finally seen a glimpse of light back into my hopelessly romantic world and it sucked to lose it again. I don't know what I actually should expect, though, because he, too, lived a fair distance from me.
I got down in the dumps and went on a little self-destructive rampage (one of my character flaws). One night I found myself at home, alone, and consuming copious amounts of wine. I decided to entertain myself by looking through the ads on Craigslist. I intoxicatedly laughed, taking pleasure in knowing that my dating life wasn't nearly as horrible or as desperate as some of the people that post on there. Then I thought to myself, "I wonder what kind of responses I would get? Heck, I could use an ego boost right now, let's do this..." and in a totally self-consumed (and drunken) manner, I wanted to prove to myself that I was still attractive and be worthy of responding to. Did I mention I was drinking lots of wine? Anyway...this is the point in which the night went fuzzy and I found myself waking up on the couch, the television tuned in to some mid-morning infomercial.
I got up to hydrate myself and found my hands being drawn to my laptop's keyboard, wondering what was going on in Myspace land (Myspace is free crack, I swear). I went about my usual routine: check Myspace, check Facebook, look at random pictures, check my emails. It was when I opened my random email account that I saw something that caught me off guard: INBOX: 11 NEW! (or whatever the number was). I thought to myself, "What the hell kind of junk am I getting?" because I haven't had that many new emails in that account in a while, let alone receiving them over a period of a few hours. I clicked "open" and then reality hit me, "Oh crap...I did actually post that..." as I saw countless replies to my drunken deed from the evening before.
I was secretly embarassed with myself, but then amused by the responses. Most of them did fall along the lines of, "Why is a girl like you posting on Craigslist?" I know deep down they were probably all thinking that I must be some sort of train wreck or covered in warts or something of that nature; "why in the world can't she find a date on her own?" sort of internal questioning. A couple of the emails were actually very well executed and worthy of response, oddly enough. So there was me, partaking in an activity I swore never to be a part of: online dating. Goodness, where has my sanity gone?!?!
So yeah...that's my tale. That's my Craigslist story. I was needing an ego boost, and had a bit too much wine, and on a self-entertainment mission. Nothing really special. Like I said, I was secretly embarassed, and in fact, still am. But the deed is done and I can say I posted a wanted ad in the "Women seeking men" department of an online community. One of my life's mantras is "try everything once, sometimes twice." Looks like I can cross this off life's list.
I'm human. I have insecurities. The moral of the story is...um, I think there's a few morals. Enough to constitute a future "Jen list." I like lists.
Rawk 'n roll.
Ha! At least I can look back on this and laugh. Like I've said before, not really proud of this moment, but the situations that have unfolded since then will surely end up in future epic tales that will be permanently etched into my mind forever...I'll blog about those someday.
Peace and peas.